To Be Loved
by Rikku-chan
Summary: Meiling's POV. I know she's not everybody's favorite, but do you ever wonder how she feels? This is a story on how painful it is to watch somebody you love love another and can lead to much hearted depression and sometimes even death. PG-13 for blood and


To Be Loved By Rikku-chan

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I know it's totally hypocritical of me to go against my mushy and fluffy fics but I had to write about this. It just related to me so easily I just had to get it out to all of you. It might also give you a different perspectic of Meiling..she's honestly not that bad once you get past the plotting of getting rid of Sakura! -_-Tell me what you all think of it and review me! Ja!

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Disclamers: I do not own CardCaptorSakura or any of it's characters! 

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Meiling's POV

I lay across my displeaseding bed that I was still not accustomed to, shifting every moment to find comfort. How I long to be back in Hong Kong, at least there I was loved in somewhat way. Here in Tomoeda, its just not how I hoped. Why? Why did I have to be cursed in this way? All I wanted was for him to like me, I really did. I didn't mean for it to be this way. Now he loves another…

To my hopelessness I sit up from my cold bed and look out beyond the frosted panes of my glass window. The snow settled ever so gently on the cold dirt ground. My now heavy dull burgundy eyes gaze upon the gloriously depressing scenery displayed. If only things could be normal once again. But no, it would never be like that…never again.

The small knock at the door was loud enough to snap me out of my trance. Wei stood outside of the door looking at me as if he shared my pain. But he could never feel how I feel. The excruciating suffering of a broken heart as much as mine. 

"Meiling…lunch is being served. Do you want to go downstairs and eat?" he asked me softly.

"Hai," I replied. There wasn't much to argue. I wouldn't eat much as usual anyway, and Wei knew since I was as thin as a stick. I lifted myself up and walked out of my room.

I carefully clutched the stair rails and down them to the kitchen. What I saw didn't help much. To much annoyance Sakura was also there with Syaoran. I forged on a smile to both of them as much as I could.

"Konnichiwa Meiling-san!" said Sakura cheerfully.

"Mei, you don't look so well. Is anything wrong?" asked Syaoran concernedly. That was the only thing that he always cared about. My safety since I was his only cousin here.

"Iie," I lied. You know very well what's wrong Li Syaoran. You hurt me… "I'm fine. If you don't mind, I'll go back upstairs now. I'm not so hungry after all," I walked quickly back upstairs.

I collapsed softly on my cold bed crying my heart and soul out. How could he do this to me? What is so good about Sakura that he loves so much? Or maybe it's just me. Maybe I cant do what Sakura does for him. But does that matter? All I have to give him is love and that's what matters most right? Oh who cares anymore? He apparently wants Sakura's love and not mine…I'm just not good enough.

He just doesn't understand. All I had was love for him and what does he do? Nothing at all. So maybe life isn't really worth living at all. Gomen Syaoran…I just wasn't good enough for you now was I? Now I'll just make sure that I cant make anybody else's life go wrong….I'll stay out of your life forever.

I open the door slowly and walk down to the kitchen. Hm. They sure eat fast. Uh oh. There's Wei…

"Wei..where's Syao and Sakura?" I asked solemly.

"Outside in the snow," He replied with a nod.

As soon as he left I opened the knife drawer and pulled out a simple knife about oh ten inches long and walked back up to my room. 

I locked the door to make sure nobody would try to even stop me. Not that anybody would. After all- Syaoran could care less and so as Sakura. She would probably love it that I just killed myself. So she could have Syao-chan all to herself. 

I took a lighter out of my jeans pocket and put the knife over it. This'll make my death simplier and faster. But instead of going for my heart, I'll practice so I'll get this right. A soon as the blade turned bright red and placed the lighter down and slit my wrists. Bright red liquid started to ooze out of my veins. The heat hurt desperately so I screamed. I screamed loud enough that I guess somebody heard and started pounding on the door. I ignored it of course and put the blade down to squeeze the rest of the blood out of my wrist.

Tears streamed down my face but I didn't care. It stung everytime I pushed harder and I winced. I took the blade again and did the same to my other wrist. I screamed louder and the pounding got louder too. Then I recognized the voice that screamed. It was Syaoran.

"Mei! What are you doing in there??" he yelled obviously hearing my crys of pain. Then I heard Wei.

"Syaoran, one of the knives are missing," he uttered forlornly knowing what I was doing.

Nonetheless I continued squeezing out the red liquid out. I figured this was it. I had no more blood left in my arms so might as well. My hands were white and pale enough to tell.  

"Meiling!" I heard Syaoran scream, "Don't do it!" 

Stop the denial Syaoran. You know you want me dead so here it comes. I placed the blade over the lighter again until it became a glowing red. It came faster this time because I had already done it once. I placed the lighter down and took one fast jab into my heart. It wasn't as painful because it came, then it went. I had done it.

Suddenly the door busted down. Apparently it wasn't his hands but his feet pounding at the door. I saw his face in tears and that so with Wei's. The look of shock came about their faces.

"Mei…why did you do this..?" Syaoran said softly with tears dripping down his face. That was the first time I had seen him cry. He was crying over me?

I choked up some blood and coughed, "I did it..to be loved," I whispered, "And I wanted you to know..even though…you love Sakura and not I…I love you," 

Then death came after my last breath. It didn't hurt as much as I thought. I hope you're happy and that you live happily with Sakura. I hope you understand…I only did it to be loved.

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End Of To Be Loved

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